


Epitome of Acrimony

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Armin's the coconut, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, BTW, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Doctor Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dont hit me, Eventual Smut, Horse Jean Jokes, I Don't Even Know, I swear, Literally I have no idea what direction this will go in so, M/M, Pain Kink, Praise Kink, Sorry Not Sorry, Top Eren, Writer Eren Yeager, anything else?, biting kink, ereri, eventually, get that uke levi yo, im so sorry, it will be, its a pursian cat 2, lots of kinks, marking kink, no tags for now tbh, okay im done, pastelereri, to be honest its nothing like the summary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:36:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens if you take Eren, a thrill-seeker who's never up to any good, his boyfriend/eye doctor, Levi, who's only in it because Eren is, and put them in a small condo on the edge of Trost and Shiganshina, add a horse, a coconut, a cat, some trust issues, and a very angry sister? </p><p>Well, let's just say Eren and Levi don't get out much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Bit Avante-garde

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! So, this is the reason I haven't updated Not Like This (mixed with some writers' block please help). I really like this one,, so I hope it gets far. As usual, if you have suggestions or find errors, please tell me. On to the story!

Eren Jaeger was a hedonist, to say the least. That’s the only word his friends could use to describe him. Well, besides dumb. He was very dumb, he’d give them that, but it was  _ because  _ he was a hedonist. And it’s not like he could help it, despite what Levi thinks. Levi was his ophthalmologist, and he loved to criticize Eren for breaking a new pair of glasses every three weeks. Which is why today, Levi suggested he get contacts.

“You’re so accident-prone, always breaking your glasses. Why don’t you get contacts?” Levi looked down at his clipboard and then back to Eren. “I could get you fitted for them today and have them in by the end of the week.”

Eren shrugged adjusting his frames that were slightly crooked due to his latest escapade with Jean, Reiner, and Bertolt. They had been out skateboarding when Jean saw an old rickety slide going down a hill. And, let’s just say Jean broke his arm and Eren his glasses though he bent them back into place.

“I mean, I guess.”

Levi rolled his eyes a huffed out a long breath before going over to his desk and pulling some charts. He let out an even bigger sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb, shaking his head. “Eren, you really need to stop doing things like these. If you end up losing a contact, or worse, it goes into your eye socket, that could mean trouble. Big trouble. You could get an infection or something, and you could go temporarily blind.”

Eren nodded, muttering under his breath, “Your worry is cloying, Levi. It makes me uncomfortable.”

Levi threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “Well,  _ fine _ . You can get out if you don’t want my help. Be blind, see if I care.”

Eren tapped his fingers against his knee, raising his eyebrows at Levi, smirking slightly. “What happens if I end up in the street, dead ‘cause I got hit by a car because I couldn’t see? Would you care then?”

“No,” Levi snapped. “You’ll die soon enough, you fucking hedonist.”

Eren let out a hearty laugh and took off his glasses, handing them to a fuming Levi, who took them and put them in a silver box marked ‘ _ Discard _ ’. He stood up and walked over to the exam table, slipping on it and positioning his head behind the phoropter. Levi walked up, squinting at the dials and wheels on the device, writing down some numbers before pushing it up properly against Eren’s face. He walked away to turn the lights off, and Eren chuckled.

“What?” Levi scoffed, glancing behind him.

“Nothing. You’re infinitesimal. It’s quite humorous, really. Mainly because you try to act all macho, but we know that’s not how it is when it comes down to it, right?”

Levi switched off the lights and stomped back over to Eren, a scowl adorning his lips. “No, you’re just freakishly giant. Now shut up and let me get this over with.”

Levi pressed a button on the side of the phoropter and Eren’s eyes hurt slightly before one was covered and he saw a chart appear on the wall. It was the same exam he did when he got glasses for the first time, so it went by smoothly. Levi noted that his vision had gotten better, but not by too much. When Levi was done, he turned the lights back on and set his clipboard down, telling Eren to lay down. He took a measurement of Eren’s eyes, who kept moving and talking, and he scolded him every time he moved, going on about the more he had to restart, the less accurate the results became.

“Eren, seriously, stop talking. Stop moving. It makes this harder on me, which is bad for you. I swear to–  _ Eren _ !” Levi frustratedly threw his tool on the side table next to them and crossed his arms, hip jutting out in annoyance, eyes narrowed to slits.

“What? I’m not doing anything. Just waiting for you to be done, is all.” Eren sat up, fakely smiling innocently at Levi, who groaned, knowing what Eren was trying to say.

“Eren, please. I understand that you and I have been very busy lately, and we haven’t been able to hang out a lot, but you need to stop being so brusque and impatient. This is how I make a living. It’s how I make money. I need you to realize that.”

Oh, yeah. They were also sort of (as in, the past 5 years they have been) dating?

Eren frowned, then reached out a hand towards Levi, whose features softened and body relaxed. Levi walked the small distance between him and Eren so the latter could wrap his arms around the former. They both let out a sigh and Eren looked up at Levi, smirking.

“Hey. Is this how you see me?”

Levi shoved Eren away from him, telling him to lay back down and to be fucking still. Eren complied, and they were done within 20 minutes. Levi ran a gloved hand through his raven hair and looked at Eren, who was looking at his hands that were placed on his lap.

“Eren…?” Levi cocked his head at the boy when he looked up. “Hey, now. There’s no reason to get upset. Eren, really.”

Eren shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows together. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize I was being such a nuisance.”

“No, no, no, Eren. You’re not bothersome, really. You’re really great, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life,” Levi cooed. “Hey, what do you say we go have dinner when I’m off, yeah? We could go to that small diner on the corner of Maria Avenue and Recon Lane, you know, the one you like so much?”

Eren gave a lopsided smile, his eyes brightening. “Could we?”

Levi nodded and Eren stood up, walking over to Levi and wrapping his arms around him. Levi sighed, snaking his arms around Eren’s waist and nuzzling his face into his chest. Levi leaned up and kissed Eren, who immediately reached down to grab at Levi’s ass. Levi rolled his hips forward instinctively, then pulled back.

“Eren, stop. I’m at work.”

Eren let out a surprised laugh and raised his eyebrows at the shorter man. “Excuse me? I’m not the one trying to dry hump you.”

Levi glared and finagled his way out of Eren’s arms, glaring at him. “Go home. I’ll pick you up at 7, okay?”

Eren smiled and grabbed his jacket, walking towards the door. “I love you, Levi.”

“I love you, too, Eren. Now go away.”

Eren walked out of the room, paying the fee of $200 for his exam, and slipped on the extra pair of glasses Levi had in his desk drawer. They were green, and Eren shook his head at the color. Levi liked Eren in green, so Eren grew to like it, and he wore a lot of it, but glasses? In green? Weird.

Eren went to his car and drove back to his and Armin’s shared house. He and Levi didn’t live together, but Eren really wanted to. He decided he would ask him later that night, since they would more than likely go back to Levi’s place, considering it was not shared and much cleaner and bigger. And they would more than likely end up either watching movies or having sex. Those were the only things they really ever did together, since Eren was in college, his last year, mind you, and Levi was a working adult. It aggravated Eren sometimes because he wanted to see Levi every single second of every single day that he could, but it just didn’t work out that way. He was just happy that he got the twice a week thing down (Saturday and Sunday), and the once every three weeks because Eren was a goddamned idiot.

You see, Eren was 25 while Levi was 32, and when Eren told his friends their age difference when they first got together, Eren being 20 and Levi 26, almost 27, they were all less than pleased. Mikasa, Eren’s sister (sort-of), was livid, calling Eren irresponsible, and Levi a pedophile. It was rough in the beginning, and Eren ignored Mikasa for two whole months, but they have since figured it out (sort-of). Armin, however, took a liking to Levi’s ex, Erwin, and while they aren’t dating, Eren and Levi alike knew that something was up.

Other than that, Levi’s friends were okay with it, and Hanji was even the one who set them up in the first place. Eren had been interning at her laboratory, working in her sea animals department, and a short, pissed-off-looking guy walked in and forced him onto Eren, so long-story-short, Levi blew Eren in the supply closet and they went on a date the next day. Romantic, right?

Eren pulled into his garage and turned off the engine. He unlocked his door, slamming it shut, just in case Erwin was over and he and Armin needed a heads up that  _ hey fuckers Eren’s home let’s not have a repeat of last week. _

Nothing seemed to move and no weird noises were coming from Armin’s room, so Eren just shuffled to his own and looked at the clock, groaning when it only read ‘2:30’. He flopped down onto his bed, scrolling through his phone, and he decided to text Levi.

**To: Bby♡**

**Hey. What time do you get off?**

   Eren set his phone down next to him, sighing. He really didn’t want to have to wait four more hours to see Levi. They hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks, and he just wanted that fucking short, very angry midget in his arms and possibly bed because it had been too damn long.

Eren felt his phone buzz, and he blindly reached for it. He let out a soft chuckle when he read it, biting his lip at Levi’s nickname for him.

**From: Bby♡**

**Be patient, for fuck’s sake. I’ll be done around six, but I want time to get ready. Can you handle that,** **_daddy_ ** **?**

Now, in no way did Levi have a daddy kink (except for when they got a little  _ too  _ drunk…), but he loved using the name, especially in public, to make not just Eren, but others uncomfortable. It worked.

**To: Bby♡**

**Yes, yes. Fine. I love you.**

**From: Bby♡**

**I love you, too, Eren.**

____

Eren realized that he must’ve fallen asleep, as he woke up with a crick in his neck and lower back. His eyelids felt heavy and his bones groaned when he stood up to stretch. He felt refreshed and hungry. He figured he would just eat in since he didn’t have any other pl–

Suddenly, panicked, he looked at the clock in horror, as it read 7:45.

“Oh my fucking God.” Eren frantically searched around for his phone, finding it on the ground next to his bed, and saw a series of texts from Levi.

_ Shit. _

**From: Bby♡**

**Eren, I’m outside.**

**Hurry. It’s fucking cold.**

**Eren?**

**Seriously, what the fuck.**

**Eren fucking Jaeger, if you do not get your ass outside, I will personally break down your door.**

**Why don’t I have a key?**

**Armin’s not here. WTF**

**Eren, I’m climbing through your window.**

Eren’s eyes were wide, and he looked around his room.  Levi wasn’t there. He must’ve gotten pissed and left. Goddamnit, Eren. They were both so busy, why couldn’t he have stayed awake? His phone buzzed and he opened a text from Levi, bracing himself for the worse. His jaw dropped when he read the words, though.

**From: Bby♡**

**Aw, babe. If you were tired, you could’ve just told me. We can reschedule. I know you’ve been busy with school. You must be really worn out. I’m walking to my car right now, so you can call me when you wake up. Love you.**

Eren almost dropped his phone trying to press the ‘call’ button. It rang two times before the line at the other end clicked.

“Hey,” Levi spoke, his voice quiet and soft.

“Levi! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to fall asleep. It just happened. Please tell me you’re still here. Come up here. Or in. Please. We don’t even have to go anywhere. You can come up here and we can watch movies or something. Babe, really. I’m sorry.”

Eren heard shuffling and a sigh. “I’m already home, hun. It’s okay; let's just reschedule, yeah? I have to be in early for work tomorrow, anyway. Surgery at the hospital.”

“Wait, what? How are you already home? I just got your text.”

“It may have taken a while to go through, Eren.” Levi was starting to sound irritated, and it made Eren stress even more.

“Levi, please. Can I come over? I just need to see you. I mean, fuck’s sake, we haven’t hung out in  _ two weeks _ . At least, give me this.”

“Give you this? You think it’s not affecting me? Eren, I have to work. I have a job. You would understand if you did, too. And,” Levi let out a soft grunt as if he were moving something. “You have school. Get on your projects and homework assignments, Eren. Graduate.”

“Okay,  _ dad _ . I called my boyfriend so I could see you, not my father for a lecture. If I wanted one of those, I would’ve called Grisha, not you.”

Levi made a weird noise and Eren furrowed his eyebrows together. “Eren, please. Can you not compare me to your dad? It’s creepy.”

Eren snorted, “Says the one who loves nothing more than to call me ‘Daddy’ when you’ve had one too much to drink.”

Another noise came from the other end and wasn’t from Levi. Eren was confused. “Levi, what the fuck is going on on your end?”

“Nothing, Jaeger,” Levi snapped. “Could you just not be so goddamn annoying for two seconds?”

Eren was silent. In all their years of being together, Levi had never outright insulted Eren to hurt his feelings before. Sure, there was mutual teasing, but it was never meant to hurt. And Eren felt hurt. Eren felt like crying. Eren felt like punching Levi in the face, to be quite frank.

“Well, fuck you, too, Levi,” Eren said through gritted teeth, his voice resembling a feral growl.

Levi squeaked then groaned, and there was a loud ‘ _ thud _ ’, and Eren was done. “Levi, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Nothing, Eren. Shit.” Levi groaned, and Eren heard the phone clatter to the ground, and all of a sudden, he heard a crash in his living room.

_ What the fuck? _


	2. You Are My Panacea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided I hated the last chapter and had to scrap the entirety of what I had written. So, here's the new idea. You might have to go back and read what little I changed to the last chapter, but it's not entirely necessary. On to the story!

Eren rushed to his living room, only to stop in his tracks, shoulders trembling with laughter. He found Levi, cheek pressed into the floor, legs bent and arms spread out, glaring at the ground, grumbling to himself.

“Levi?” Eren roared with laughter once the short raven looked at him from his position on the floor, trying to glare at the brunette, but failing because his face was smooshed against the hardwood floor, making him look more like a chipmunk rather than a threat.

“Eren, just shut up,” Levi hissed. He struggled to get from his awkward place on the floor and  straightened up, face a shade of red that lobsters would be jealous of. “Uh…”

Once Eren regained his composure, he walked over to a huffing and embarrassed Levi. “Is there a reason you decided to take fort on my floor when you just got done telling me you were at your house?”

“I… Well… Uh…” Levi looked down at his hands before his steely grey (they weren’t really, Eren just thought that they weren’t blue enough to call blue) eyes bore into Eren’s, and he mumbled, “I wanted to surprise you, because you must be really tired from school and stuff, and we haven’t hung out in two weeks, and I miss you.” His voice dissipated a little bit on the end and his cheeks were sent ablaze once again.

“Aww, Levi,” Eren murmured, pulling Levi into a hug, the raven immediately thrashing out of the taller’s hold.

“I’m not a baby, Eren; there’s no need to mollycoddle me.”

“Yes you are. You’re but a wee yin, and you know it.” Eren pulled Levi into a hug and rested his chin atop the older male’s and hummed contentedly. “Hey,” he pushed Levi away by his shoulders and peered down at him, smiling. “Whaddya’ say we shitcan the idea of going’ out and we have a movie marathon tonight? I could just call Armin and tell him to spend the night at Erwin’s. I’m sure neither of them would mind.”

“And why,” Levi moved his palms so they lay flat against the green eyed beauty’s chest, admiring the way his eyes glimmered, “would I want to do that?”

“Because,” Eren drawled, leaning in so his lips grazed the shell of Levi’s ear. “You love me. And I love you. And I have something we need to talk about.”

That got Levi’s attention, the short raven perking up noticeably. “What could possibly be  _ so _ important that you feel the need to hold me detainee in your apartment while we watch shitty reruns of  _ Full House _ , because Satan knows you can’t sit still throughout an entire movie marathon of any kind. Do you remember what happened when we tried to have that Marvel marathon last year with Hanji, Erwin, and Armin? You were begging me to leave so we could go to yours and fuck. You get oddly horny durings movies, might I add.”

Eren scoffed, “I was but a humble twenty-one-year-old at the time, babe. And besides,” he trailed his hands down to grip at Levi’s curvaceous hips. “I’m just oddly horny whenever I’m near you.”

Levi’s face scrunched up in mock disgust. “Gross.”

“You’d like to think so, wouldn’t you? But you really love it, right?”

“Eren, don’t be such a condescending asshole.”

The brunette just laughed and turned away from the smaller male, walking into his room and grabbing his phone before making his way back into the living room. “I’ll just text Armin and tell him that you’re here.”

“I swear to all the Gods, Eren, if you make it sound like we’re having sex, I will not hesitate to annihilate you.”

Eren just chuckled and turned to Levi after shooting Armin a text that was along the lines of ‘ _ Levi’s here. We’re not having sex. Go fuck Erwin or whatever you two do. _ ’

The pair just rested on the couch that was a hideous viridian green and had weird splotches of discolor that made Levi wary, watching episode after episode after episode after episode of  _ Full House _ . Eren had grabbed Levi’s legs and placed them over his own lap, slowly massaging the tense muscles in the other’s calves. Eren was softly humming ‘Candyman’ by Zedd and Aloe Blacc, which was a song that had surprisingly become one of Levi’s favorite.

Levi let out a soft moan when Eren dug his fingers into a tight muscle and Eren furrowed his brow in worry. “You work too hard, Levi. You’re really tense and uptight.”

“Thanks, love you, too.”

“ _ Levi _ ,” Eren groused, stopping his magic fingers to look into soft grey orbs. “I just meant that I think you need a break from work for a little while. Stress makes you age, and I know how insecure you can get about it sometimes.”

Levi nodded slowly, a finger tracing little hearts on Eren’s bicep. “Yeah, I know, but I just can’t  _ stop  _ working. I didn’t get my PhD for nothing, you know. 8 years of my life was not wasted to just  _ take a break _ .”

Eren sighed and pulled Levi into his lap. Levi wrapped his arms around Eren’s neck and pressed a kiss to the mop of unruly brown hair. Eren placed his hands almost cautiously on Levi’s hips and mumbled something incoherent.

“What was that?” Levi hummed against the brunette’s scalp.

“I said, ‘Why don’t we just move in together?’ I mean, we’ve been together for a while, and I’m in my last year of college, so once my book gets published and I start making money, you can be a stay-at-home wife. We could seclude ourselves from society and people and just live peacefully. Y-you know, only if you want to…” Eren cursed himself for stuttering his proposal, but when he heard Levi’s small laugh, he knew he did something right.

“Okay,” Levi whispered, pulling back to look at Eren. He sat back on the boy’s thighs and ruffled his already messy hair. “Yeah. Okay. That sounds nice. Great, actually. I’d love to.”

Eren beamed up at the raven and his heart skipped a beat. He loved this small human specimen with all he was capable of being, and he didn’t want it any other way.

Levi leaned forward to press his lip into Eren’s both of them melting at the long-awaited contact. It wasn’t heated or erotic (okay for Eren every kiss with Levi was erotic but), it was just nice to be connected with the one you felt at home with the most.

They pulled back after a little while, and Levi started shoving questions down Eren’s throat faster than he could swallow (which wasn’t very fast; it was partly the reason why he never blew Levi. He was really slow and hated the taste anyway) them correctly.

“What kind of house do you want? I want low maintenance, but I also want a fixer-upper, so we can leave our own little touch for when we have kids and they want a story. Do you want a townhouse? I don’t, to be honest, so if you bring that idea up to me, I will ask for a divorce. What about a condo? They seem nice and stuff. Oh, jeez, what should our budget be, Eren? Why arEN’T YOU HELPING ME GODDAMMIT.” Levi shook Eren by the shoulders and had a mini panic attack. Eren just laughed and lightly patted his lover on the butt.

“How about we deal with that tomorrow? It’s already 11 P.M., and didn’t you say you had to be at work early?”

Levi let out a groan and threw his head back, childishly whining, “But I don’t  _ want _ to, Erennnnn. I hate surgeries. People are gross. Eyeballs are gross. WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS LIFE?”

Eren just smirked and picked Levi up bridal style, humming as he walked towards his room. “You’re tired Levi, and it’s showing. You get talkative when you’re tired.”

Levi scoffed and nuzzled into Eren’s neck. “I’m always talkative, brat.”

“Yeah, and I shit gold,” Eren spoke caustically, he too being swept away slowly by the Sandman.

Levi, being the volatile person he was, snapped, “Don’t be sardonic, you sadist.”

Eren just placed the sleepy raven on the bed and rid himself of his clothes, changing into cotton pajama pants and a 1975 t-shirt. “I love you, Levi.”

Levi just snarled playfully into his pillow as he snuggled up to the brunette as soon as he got into bed, “Bite me.”

Once Levi’s remarks turned into soft snoring, Eren stroked the fuzz of his undercut, placing small kisses at the base of his neck.

“‘M glad you feel the same way I do about living together. Now, just wait until I propose and we’re married with kids. Won’t that be nice?”

He said it cooly, but of course, with him being the total pussy he was and not expecting a response, he squealed when a sleep-ridden, gravelly voice answered with a, “As long as you propose in Paris while we’re on the run from cops, and our kids become expert hackers for a big corporate business, I’m in.”

Eren slowed his breathing and bit his lip, sighing. “God, you’re perfect.”

Levi turned towards his and pressed his face to Eren’s chest. “I’ve got a disease called love, and you are panacea.”

Eren let a confused sound slip from his mouth. “Did you– did you just call me your pancreas?”

“What? No. Eren–  _ Panacea _ . It’s like a remedy for illnesses and shit. Christ’s sake, you fucking hedonist.”

“Hey! What does me being a dumbfuck have anything to do with me not knowing your strange terminology?”

“You’re an English major, shithead, your vocabulary should be more widespread than an ophthalmologists.”

Eren wrapped his arms around Levi and shushed him. “Whatever. Go to sleep,  _ roomie _ .”

With the warm thought that their dreams would soon become a reality, the two fell asleep with small smiles adorning their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it'short but I hope you enjoyed it! If you have any suggestions or found any errors, feel free to let me know! Much love Xx


	3. Where's Your Assent. Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They look at the first house: A French Provincial that pisses Levi off, and eventually, Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! If you find errors, have suggestions, or want to beta, let me know! On to the story!

Eren loved Levi. Really, he did, it’s just… Levi was fretting over every little thing about their soon-to-be house and all Eren wanted was a quickie, but Levi had screamed and had an anxiety attack when Eren grabbed at him through his shorts.

And, maybe it was Eren’s fault for coming on so strong, but that still didn’t explain why there were fucking sticky notes  _ everywhere,  _ reminders to Eren saying ‘ _ Hey, asshole, check out this one _ ’ an ‘ _ Eren Douchefuck Jaeger, look at this _ ’. It was cute. Really. At least, that’s what Eren had to say to himself every time Levi replaced his middle name with something along the lines of ‘ _ Stool Sniffer _ ’ and ‘ _ Bearded Jolly Cheeks _ ’ and Levi swore they were terms of endearment, but for fucks’ sake.

They were sitting in Levi’s bed against the headboard, Eren exchanging emails with their real estate agent while Levi was  _ still making sticky notes _ and Eren just busted out laughing when Levi crumpled one up and threw it to the end of the bed, looking from his pad of notes and the trash now loitering, unwanted, by his feet a few times before scrambling out of the bed to throw the offending piece of paper away properly.

Levi glared at Eren as he climbed back into bed. “What’s so funny, mouth breather?”

“You’re adorable.” Eren reached over and pulled Levi closer to him, pushing his computer to the side.

“Fuck off, thundercunt,” Levi mumbled.

“You’re getting creative with your insults.”

Levi hummed in response, nuzzling his face into Eren’s neck as he whispered, “‘M just nervous.”

Eren kissed the top of Levi’s head and rubbed his shoulder. “I know, but tomorrow, we’ll be seeing a few homes just outside of Trost, and once we find our dream one, and you won’t have to be nervous anymore. And then, maybe we could have sex.”

“Eren!” Levi exclaimed, trying to push his insensitive boyfriend away. “Sex is all you think about.”

“No, sex with  _ you _ is all I think about. More specifically, your ass and dick.”

“Hmm, now you know why I call you dickbrain,” Levi retorted.

“Ouch, harsh. Right in my left clavicle.”

Levi punched Eren lightly on the arm (okay, really hard, but who fucking cares), rolling his eyes. “Do you even know what the fuck a clavicle is?”

Eren rubbed his arm. “Pffft, yeah. It’s your collarbone… Right?”

Levi swatted Eren once more. “I have no idea. You’re just dumb, so you using big vocabulary words seems so unlike you.”

Eren had mock hurt on his face before it turned to a smirk. “Well, I would slap you, but I don’t want to get slut on my hand.”

Levi just smiled and placed his head on his pillow. “I love you, Eren.”

Well, that wasn’t the reaction Eren was looking for, but, okay. “I love you, too, Levi.”

“Shush, now. Go to sleep. I set our alarm for 6 A.M. so we can be out of here by 8, okay?”

Eren just slid down back under the covers and nodded, sleepily. “Mhm.”

Eren was not ready for the crude awakening he got, but he did kind of deserve it, considering he woke up at 9.

“Eren fucking Jaeger! What the actual fuck are you doing still in bed? Why didn’t you get up? Goddammit, Eren, it’s 9 o’clock!”

Eren just mumbled small incoherences into his pillow, but cursed pretty loudly when a hard object hit the back of his head.

“Leviii, what the fuck?”

Eren heard Levi stomp over to him, and another hard object hit the back of his head.

“Get. The fuck. Up.” Levi’s voice was holding many silent threats, so Eren decided to turn around to face Levi.

Which just happened to be the exact time that Levi decided to throw yet  _ another _ object at Eren’s head. “Ow! Fucking hell, what is that?” Eren picked up the object that hit him directly in the eye and–

“An apple? Levi, why the fuck are you throwing apples at me?”

“Get the fuck up,” Levi repeated. Eren complied, muttering something about how Levi better not throw any more goddamn apples.

Levi was in black skinny jeans and a red dress shirt, arms crossed over his chest and a bag of apples open on the ground.

“What’s shoved up your ass?” Eren snickered.

“Not your dick, and if you don’t get ready within the hour, it will never be up there again.  _ Ever _ .”

Eren’s eyes widened and he rushed through his morning routine, skipping the part where he ate, because after Eren put on a green t-shirt and some white skinny jeans, Levi threw his shoes at him and dragged him into Levi’s car.

They were almost to their real estate agent’s office when Levi finally broke the silence.

“I’m sorry for throwing apples at you, but I’m not sorry that you’re dumb as shit, Eren. I told you to get up, and I tried and tried to get you up, but you wouldn’t fucking get up.”

“Levi, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to get up.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.”

They didn’t exchange any more words, not even when they pulled up to the office. Not even when they were in the elevator. Not even when the real estate agent, Hanji, ran at them and flung her arms around the pair.

“Oi, shitty glasses, get the fuck off me,” Levi groused.

“Hey, Hanji,” was all that Eren said.

Hanji just squealed and dragged them to her desk, computer out and notes all over the place. “Okay guys, so if you’ll have a seat, I’d like to know what exactly you’re looking for. Levi? Anything you  _ must _ have?”

Levi placed his hands in his lap and licked his lips. “Well, we need at least two bedrooms, and 2 bathrooms. Oh, and since I do all the cooking,” he cast a sideways glance at Eren. “We need a big kitchen. Preferably with an island. And, I cannot tolerate carpet. I don’t want to be living in someone else’s filth. I need hardwoods.”

Hanji nodded, writing down his preferences before turning to Eren. “And you, Mr. Jaeger?”

Eren scrunched his nose and brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck. “Well, uhm, I’d like to have crown molding. And high ceilings. And the master bath needs to have a standing shower; Levi gets his tub, I get my shower.”

“Anything else?”

Levi cut in, “A big backyard.”

Eren and Hanji both turned to Levi, disbelief in their eyes because Levi hated anything to do with nature. Especially upkeep with it.

“And who’ll be mowing the lawn and trimming the bushes?” Eren asked, eyebrow raised at the raven.

“You,” he stated simply.

“Of course. It’s always me,” Eren grumbled, moving his neck from side-to-side, cracking it.

“Oh,” Levi’s voice was suddenly impeccably quieter, “I want vaulted ceilings. Not like, all throughout the house, but a few here and there would be nice. And an open-floor plan is a must.”

“What’s your guys’ budget?”

Levi and Eren looked at eachother and Levi sighed, nodding. “Well, we are both going to pitch in, but I would say no more than $700,000. That’s my limit.”

Hanji only nodded slightly before writing it down and entering the information into her computer. “Alrighty, kiddos, looks like I have three properties to show you. Why don’t I give you the addresses and we can head on out?”

Levi and Eren agreed and followed her out the door and to the parking lot. She handed Levi three small pieces of paper and then climbed into her yellow Chevrolet Camaro.

“Adios, my lovelies!” She revved her obnoxiously loud engine. “I’ll see y’all there! Yahoo!”

She drove off, and Levi clenched his fists. “I swear, why the fuck does Erwin even get her stupid, noncommittal shit like that if he’s so in love with that fucking coconut of yours?”

“Well, they are best friends,” Eren said cautiously.

“Yeah, but fucking  _ still _ .”

Eren laughed and grabbed Levi by the waist, pulling him towards his car. “Let’s go.”

When they got to the first house, Levi was less than impressed. It was a two-story French Provincial, and while the exterior was gorgeous, it still didn’t impress Levi.

“What the shit is this?”

Eren just shrugged and sighed, walking hand-in-hand with Levi over to where Hanji stood at the door.

“Hey! Okay, we must get this show on the road! This property is just $650,000.”

Levi took his hand from Eren’s and crossed his arms, eyes narrowing at the lady who sported a bright yellow t-shirt that said ‘ _ I turn coffee into contracts _ ’.

“Under our budget, but Hanji; What the fuck is this place?”

Hanji visibly flinched at the tone Levi used and looked at him. “I-I, what?”

“Didn’t Eren tell you we wanted a modern craftsman? Not this weird piece of shit?”

“I… Well, no. He didn’t,” Hanji finally said, glancing at Eren.

Levi threw his hands in the air, attention now on the brunette at fault. “Eren!”

Eren waved his hands in front of himself, frantically speaking. “Woah, woah, wait, Levi. I just thought maybe we could check out one French-style home, you know, because it’s our  _ home _ .”

Levi sighed and nodded. “Only because I love you.”

They all walked in and Eren was in awe. “I love this foyer. It’s so… grand. The little swirl,” he pointed to the ceiling, “is really cool.”

Levi huffed and leaned into Eren. “You’re such a child.”

They walked into the dining room, Hanji explaining the history and whatnot, though Levi wasn’t paying attention. “I like the crown molding, but the ceilings are very…  _ flat _ . And sorta low.”

Eren nodded. “Yeah, I wish they were a little taller, but that’s okay.”

“I like the chandelier in the middle of the den. It’s pretty.”

Hanji just smiled and brought them through the living room and to the kitchen, which sported white quartz countertops, darkwood cabinets and double islands. They saw the bedroom on the bottom floor just off of the living room, the bathroom, and the powder room. They headed up the stairs and Levi ran his hand along the railing.

“It’s really detailed,” he murmured. Eren laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him up the rest of the way. The second floor had a den and game room, the master bath and en suite, along with an office area.

“I really like this place, Levi. The bedrooms had vaulted ceilings, and that en suite! Ah, the french doors were absolutely gorgeous. It had the double vanities and the jetted tub you wanted. And it was really chic. What did you think of it?” Eren was gazing down at Levi, his eyes shining bright and Levi shook his head.

“Let’s see the backyard, four-eyes.” Levi turned to look at a now pale Hanji.

“Aha… About that…” Hanji said. “There is no backyard.”

Levi furrowed his brows. “ _ What _ ? No backyard?”

“Well, it’d be easier if I just showed you.” Hanji motioned with her hand for the pair to follow her to glass french door that lead seemingly outside.

Except it just led to a small slab of concrete with iron railing that Levi could touch just by leaning slightly out of the doorway.

“What the fuck is this?” Eren said, which made Levi snicker.

“Where’s you assent, now, douchenozzle?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! If you find errors, have suggestions, or want to beta, let me know. Thanks! Much love Xx


	4. How Fucking Righteous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllooo! Here's another chapter! I would like to thank the lovely Brilliante for beta-ing this! I love the way they edit! I find this chapter to be my favorite. I love house hunting, so I got to do some research on different features and stuff and it was cool. If you find any errors, or have any suggestions, let me know! On to the story!

Hanji waved her hands frantically around her head, shouting, “No, no, no! Even if it is just a small patio–”

“I wouldn’t go as far as to call it that, shittrain,” Levi interjected.

“–you have a million dollar view of the lake. Isn’t it gorgeous? I mean, just breath-tak–”

“I hate lakes,” Levi said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Eren groaned and looked at Levi. “You just love making things difficult, don’t you?”

Levi glared at Eren and sneered, “I almost  _ drowned _ in a lake when I was younger, fuckface.”

Eren looked taken aback, but after his moment of shock he took Levi into his embrace and muttered in a slightly sombre tone. “Oh. ‘M sorry.”

Levi just hummed.

Hanji, Eren, and Levi basked in the awkward silence a few more moments before Levi slipped from Eren’s grasp and ran a hand through his hair. “What’s the next property you’re showing us?”

Hanji visibly relaxed. “Ah! I’m showing you a modern craftsman, not too far from here. On the edge of Trost and Shiganshina, I think you two will love it.”

Eren put his arm back around Levi as they walked back through the house and to the front door. “Okay, sounds cool.”

They all got into their respective cars and headed towards their next destination.

Levi glanced at Eren, taking in his facial features, his caribbean eyes watching the road, the way his mouth moved as he sung along with the radio. Levi gained a small smile and muttered, “You’re cute.”

Eren looked at Levi for a split second before turning his attention back to the road. “Wow, no insults from you?”

“Shut up, dickweed.”

“There we go.”

They drove in silence the rest of the way, and when they pulled up to the house, Levi practically ran out of the car.

Eren turned off the engine and stepped out to see Levi gaping at the giant house in front of them. It was a light tan brick with grey columns. It had two sets of black, glass french doors, and the front door was solid black wood and in the style of french doors, as well. It had a contemporary feel, and Eren had the feeling they’d like it.

He went up behind Levi and whispered, “Shut your mouth, babe. You’ll catch flies.”

Levi snapped his mouth shut and looked for Hanji, who was next to the front door.

“Hey boys!” She yelled, waving them over. “This is, as you can tell, a modern craftsman. It’s right at $700,000, so it’s at the top of your budget. But,” she unlocked the front door and walked in. “you get a lot for your money. Here, you can see the space where you enter; it’s not grand, but you two don’t exactly scream big and grand, so I think it fits.”

Levi scoffed, “Well, fuck you, too.”

Hanji continued, “Off to the left you have your living area, pretty big. It has a half bath and mudroom coming off of it. Then,” she pointed to her right, “you have your dining room slash kitchen area.”

Levi made a small noise, his eyes wide as he took in the enormous space. “T-that’s all for dining and kitchen-ing?”

Eren laughed and walked into it, looking around. The space  _ was _ quite large, and the kitchen was gorgeous. It had grey cabinetry with and island in the middle. The countertops were adorned with white quartz, and the island had the sink engraved into it. Eren looked at the appliances and then at Hanji.

“Hey, what kind of appliances are these?”

Hanji clapped her hands together in glee. “OH! They are Sunset Bronze appliances. Whirlpool say stainless steel is  _ out _ . This is a revelation recently found out. Wonderful, isn’t it?”

Eren nodded. “Yeah, it does go well with the grey cabinets, in my opinion.”

Hanji smiled. “Great. Shorty?”

Levi glared at her and flipped her off. “Yeah. It’s good.”

They continued up the stairs to find three bedrooms, one of which Eren claimed for his office. The whole setup of the house was very dark chic; the walls were painted a dark grey and everything looked very contemporary. The master en suite shower looked like a box (a very cool box) and the tub was black. It irked Levi, but Eren convinced him to consider it. Everything was very… Levi.

When Eren said that, Levi scoffed, “What? Boring with a lot of black?” Eren was about to answer, but Levi shook his head. “You know what? Don’t answer that.”

Eren continued anyway “Levii you know that’s not what I meant”, bringing Levi into another bear hug. After said bear hug that dragged on a bit too long, Eren turned towards Hanji. “We like it. But, does it have a backyard? One without a lake?”

Hanji nodded and they all paraded down the stairs. (Well, Hanji and Eren paraded; Levi stomped after them.) The woman abruptly stopped and looked over her shoulder.

“There  _ is  _ a body of water… If that’s okay.”

Levi furrowed his eyebrows and stared at Hanji. “Don’t tell me there’s a fucking ocean back there.”

Hanji laughed and shook her head. “No! There’s a pool!”

Eren straightened up and whipped around, grabbing Levi by the shoulders. “Oh my God, Levi. A pool!”

Levi shrugged Eren off and nodded. “Yeah, dipshit, have you never seen one or something?”

“I have! But we get our own!”

“You’re doing pool maintenance.”

A frown fell on Eren’s face and he crossed his arms, huffing, “Why do I have to do everything?”

Levi rolled his eyes and opened the door leading to the backyard. “Because I’m old; I can pull muscles easily. Can’t have that, can we?”

Eren looked confused for a moment until the realization set in and his cheeks flushed. “No, we can’t,” he muttered.

Hanji explained that there was a shed, a two-car garage, obviously the pool, and a big area of land. “The lot sits on, more or less, two acres, so Levi, there’s your big backyard.”

Levi nodded. “That’s good to hear. Babe,” he turned to Eren. “Better get your gardening tools.”

“Fuck off.”

“So,” Hanji pushed them back through the house and to the front. “What do you say you two go get some rest, and we will get together tomorrow for the last house, yeah?”

Levi pulled out his phone and read the time. “How the fuck is it already 6 o’clock?”

Eren raised his hand. “Well, we didn’t leave until 10:30, so…”

“Oh, right, because  _ someone _ wouldn’t wake up.”

Eren crossed his arms. “Yeah, well that  _ someone _ was tired. And wouldn’t have a headache if another  _ someone _ hadn’t thrown three apples at the initial  _ someone’s _ head.”

Hanji looked incredulous. “You  _ what _ , Levi?”

Levi grabbed Eren’s arm. “Nothing, four-eyes. Eren, let’s go.”

Eren walked with Levi towards his car and waved at Hanji. “Bye, Hanji! We’ll see you tomorrow! Check your email later, okay?”

The woman nodded and Eren and Levi go into the car.

Eren woke up before Levi, and got his revenge. Except, he may or may not have thrown 3 pink, purple and black dildos at Levi. (He did.)

Levi had woken up, and Eren launched one at him. Levi squealed (yeah, squeals are manly what the fuck do you know) and hid under the duvet. That is, until he realized  _ what _ was being thrown at him.

“Eren! Where the fuck did you get these?” He said in horror.

The brunette snickered and threw another one across the room, hitting the raven in the arm. “I found two in your nightstand, and I happen to own one.”(Guess which colour is Eren’s)

Levi’s nose scrunched up before he grabbed one, got up, went to Eren, and hit him in the face with it. “Don’t go snooping through my shit, dildofuck.”

Eren laughed and stood up. “We need to get going soon. Hanji and I have a surprise lined up for you. Go shower.”

Levi smirked and wrapped his arms around Eren, placing his chin on the brunette’s chest. “Wanna shower with me?” A glint of mischief showed in his eyes.

Eren gulped and shook his head, which cause Levi to frown. “Nah, I gotta talk to Hanji before we leave. We’re meeting her at the property. Go get ready.”

Levi let Eren go and raised and eyebrow. “You? Saying no to sex? Who are you and what did you do with my boyfriend?”

Eren laughed and turned Levi around. Slapping him on the ass, he shoved him towards the bathroom. “Go.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, you horsefucker.” He closed the door behind him, and Eren made sure he could hear the water running before he picked up his phone and dialed Hanji’s number.

“Helloooo!” An ebullient pierced Eren’s ears. He pulled the phone away from his head before speaking.

“Yeah, hey. It’s Eren.”

“Oh, my precious Eren! How are you doing on this dashing morning?”

“‘M good, you?”

“ _ Fantastic! _ Now, I have the property all lined up and everything. You know that this is a risky move, right?”

“Yes. I know that. But he’s gonna have to deal with it. I feel that this is perfect for us.”

The pair had a cursory conversation before hanging up, agreeing that they would meet up within the next two hours.

Levi walked out of the bathroom stark naked. Eren’s eyes widened and he stuttered, “L-Levi! Put some clothes on, for Christ’s sake!”

Levi simpered, pleased enough with the reaction he drew from Eren. “Well, it’s not like you haven’t seen any of this before,” Levi said, briefly turning around to display his ass to Eren.

Eren shook his head. “Levi, I don’t have  _ time  _ for this. We need to get going soon.”

Levi crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. He turned around and went to his closet, picking out an old leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and a red v-neck. He put everything on and met Eren down by the door. Eren was overwrought, rushing Levi with his shoes, getting the car started. He even caused himself to miss a turn and they ended up being 20 minutes late.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Eren. What is wrong with you?” Levi asked when Eren said he missed the turn.

“Nothing is wrong with me, Levi. I just– I’m pulling over.”

“What?”

“I’m pulling over,” Eren repeated.

“Yeah, I heard you the first fucking time,” Levi said as Eren stopped the car next to the curb. “What the fuck is up with–”

Eren had taken his tie of and thrust it in Levi’s face. “Put this on,” he demanded.

“What? No, Eren.”

“Put it on.”

Levi huffed and grabbed the green silk tie and was putting it around his neck when Eren stopped him.

“Around your eyes.”

Levi didn’t question it, only muttered, “If this is some weird BDSM shit you’re trying to try out, I don’t like it.”

They continued the rest of the way like that, and Levi only felt the car come to a halt.

“We’re here…” Eren said hesitantly.

Levi ripped the tie off of his head and light poured into his sight. He blinked a few times before a tall building came into view.

“Eren, where are we? Did you get lost again?”

Eren didn’t say anything, instead he got out of the car, leaving Levi alone for a few seconds until the raven scrambled out, calling out after Eren, “Eren wait the fuck up!”

Eren was standing next to Hanji, who was holding the door open for them. Levi’s eye twitched as he caught on to the two lunatic’s antics. 

“What the fuck are we doing at a condominium?”

Eren bit his lip. “I just thought we could check out something a little bit… Simpler.”

“And a fuck ton smaller?”

“Levi–”

“Eren. I love you, but couldn’t you have at least parleyed with me.”

“Levi, I know, but we don’t need a big house for just the two of us. I was just thinking of how much of a hassle it would be for you to clean every weekend or summat.”

“How fucking righteous of you. My fucking prince,” Levi snapped. “Let’s just get this over with.”

And with that, the trio walked through the doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! If you found any errors, or have any suggestions, let me know. Thanks! Much love Xx


	5. What Esoteric Things Are You Into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update at last! I want to thank my wonderful beta, Brilliante for helping me when our time difference is insane. I really appreciate it! As well, I would like to inform you all that we have decided to change the age difference from 12 years to just six. So i updated chapter one to accommodate it. If you find any errors or have any suggestions, let me know! On to the story!

Levi hated it. He hated it with a burning passion. He hated the carpet in the bedrooms. He hated the standing shower in the master bedroom. There were two bedrooms, and two and a half baths. Those were the only things that were on his wish list that appeared in the godforsaken condo. There wasn’t even crown molding. What the actual hell.

The kitchen was small, and there was no island. It was stylish, with white countertops and white cabinets and stainless steel appliances, but Levi felt there was _too_ much white and that every speck of dust would show. And, while it did have an open-floor plan, the flow was off-putting.

When you first walked in, the kitchen was to your right, and in front lied the dining/living room, and half bath. Off to the right was a hallway that lead to the bedrooms and bathrooms. The guest room and bath was simple but small, and the ceilings were relatively low. The master and en suite (Levi couldn’t even really call it that) were alright, by Levi’s standards.

The carpet was fluffy wand white. The walls were crisp and white. Throughout the whole house, there was recessed lighting, which Levi wasn’t totally against, but fucking still. The master bath was big, sure, but there was no tub. The stand-up shower was glass and the small tiling detail was weird. The tiles were white. The double vanities were white. And Levi was starting to get very fucking irritated.

“Why the fuck is everything so goddamn white?”

Hanji sighed. “Levi, just shush and enjoy this.”

Levi, instead, asked, “What are the amenities?”

“There’s a gym, a pool, a club room, and a spa. The HOA is low, at just $257 a month.”

The first thing Levi thought when Hanji said ‘ _pool_ ’ was Eren coming out of said pool drenched in water, the liquid dripping down his abdomen, and down to the V that went into his trunks… but then, like a fucking missile, sanity blasted him in the face and the disdain for the condo sunk back in.

Levi then crossed his arms and turned to Eren, whom he had not even gotten near since entering the place. “What do you think?”

Eren breathed out through his nose. “Truthfully?”

The raven nodded.

“I love it, Levi. I really do. And I think that if we chose this one, you wouldn’t regret it. And besides,” Eren took Levi’s hands into his, “I think that we could change and paint and do renovations, because to buy this condo, it’s only $250,000. We could do whatever you want to do to it.”

Levi tried really hard to put up a fight against the brunet. He really did. But the kid was squeezing his hands and pouting and Levi wanted to yell. It was Eren’s next sentence that made him give in.

“Plus, if we have a baby, they could grow up in a great place, away from assholes back home.”

Levi melted at that thought. _Kids here, huh?_ Levi looked up at Eren. _You know what? Fuck it_. “Fine.”

Eren smiled and bit his lip, pulling Levi in for a hug. Levi didn’t even try getting out of the hug, instead reciprocating it. The embrace only lasted a few seconds before Hanji cleared her throat and fired questions left and right.

“So, is this the one you want? Do you want to put in an offer lower or higher than the listed price? You could get the maintenance workers to do renovations before you move in. Do you want to put in that request? If you do have a baby, will you name it Sawney or name it Bean?”

Eren laughed and fired back answers just a quick. “If Levi wants it, then yes. We have so much extra, we could afford to put in an offer over the listed price. Unless Levi wants to do the fixes, then we’ll go with that option. And, no, Hanji, we are not naming our child after your dead goldfishes.”

Levi snorted at Hanji’s crestfallen face and decided that maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

\---

So Levi was wrong. So very wrong. The first few weeks were absolute Hell. The renovations went smoothly, Levi having painted a few things a dark grey, the pair inserting a bath, and installing white quartz counter tops in the kitchen and bathrooms.

But only one month in and Eren was bitching about every fucking detail. Which was odd, because normally the kid would be fine with a wine stain on the couch,  not cry over a painting that wouldn’t hang straight. Levi had to send him away to his parents’ house, saying that they needed to get their kid in check and with all due respect teach him how to not be such a fucking crybaby.

Two months in and Levi finalized every renovation, so they started their move in. They took Levi’s white furniture for the living area, and Eren’s rustic dining table for the dining room. They had to go out and buy a king sized bed with black posts. Levi had to beg Eren for it, which, fuck you, he does not do often. (Eren would say that, yes he does, all the fucking time. It just depended on the situation.) (Levi would blatantly say fuck off, he does not beg for Eren’s cock.) (He does, though.)

Three months in and they almost had sex at least 5 times. (All of which initiated by Eren only to be shot down by Levi.)

“Come on Babe Pleeease,” Eren whined.

“No, you brat. I am not having sex on the moving boxes!” Levi said scornfully.

“Why not?!”

“Because there’s too much fragile shit in there and if it breaks, it worth more than your dick.”

Eren dramatically threw his hand up to his forehead and said, “I’m wounded to think my own boyfriend values dinner china over my dick. Oh how ever will I survive this life of torture and madness?”

Levi sent his signature glare Eren’s way and retorted, “Stop being such a drama queen. If you’re good, maybe I’ll give you a treat…”

Eren lapped that up like an overgrown puppy, and Levi could easily imagine a wagging tail.

Though later Levi stubbed his toe on the corner of the coffee table and ended up refusing to give said ‘treat’.

The decor was put up to Levi, since Eren had school to attend, and since Levi was scared that if he left it up to Eren, he would probably place game posters and books posters all over the place, and Levi was not a fucking kid, he agreed to it.

Four months in, Eren almost died.

The dumbfuck (Levi would say hedonist) was putting up a small hanging decoration when it was particularly windy, and almost fell from the window. Levi had thankfully been in the room as well, painting it a pale blue, so he had enough time to rush to the brunet when he slipped and let out a less-than-manly scream.

“You’re so fucking careless, Eren. I told you to wait until the wind died down! What if I hadn’t been here? You would be the newest layer of concrete on the sidewalk, and I don’t think people appreciate discoloration on things they walk on.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, Levi.”

Levi sighed and pulled Eren in close, pressing his mouth against the other’s for a chaste kiss. Levi pulled back and stared at Eren, relief evident in his features.

Eren cocked his head. “Would you have at least cried if I ended up apart of concrete dreams?”

Levi shoved Eren away with disgust. “Jesus fuck, Eren.”

Finally, after five months of pure Hell and torture, Levi and Eren plopped down on their couch and stared up at the ceiling for the very first time together. Eren grabbed for Levi’s hand, but the latter just groaned and waved it wildly in the air.

“It’s too fucking hot. I’m too fucking tired. What the fucking fuck?”

Eren snickered and pulled the raven closer to him, ignoring the smaller male’s protests. “I don’t care if it’s too hot. Take your clothes off, if you have to. I’m cuddling with my boyfriend on the couch if it’s the last thing I do.”

“It will be, if you don’t let go of me.”

“I can supply the knife.”

Levi chuckled lowly and gave in, snuggling up to Eren’s side. “You know what crossed my mind earlier while I was working on the bed in the guest room?”

Eren hummed, and Levi continued. “Well, we always talk about having kids, right? And I’m 32, but you’re only 26 years old. I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind it, but I still want you to have your freedom. Especially now that we finally have our own place, I think we should wait a bit, before rushing into things too quickly. That doesn’t mean down the road I don’t want kids; I do. But my reasoning still stands.”

Eren nuzzled the top of Levi’s head. “Yeah, whatever you feel, babe. But, like, can you imagine miniature versions of me and you running around all over the place?”

Levi nodded sleepily and yawned. “Yeah. Mini Eren would more than likely try and jump mini Levi every other second, though. Like father like son, I guess.”

Eren feigned mock hurt as he playfully shoved Levi away. “They would be siblings, Levi! How horrid!”

“Incest is always okay, just look at Game of Thrones. As long as it’s not by blood. I’m not one to judge, if our relationship is anything to go by.”

“Levi, I think age is on a totally different level than siblings fucking each other,” Eren retorted.

The raven shrugged and stood up, stretching as he let out a groan. “Gah, I’m just glad we’re done with this mess. We live together now, and there’s no more renovations or decorating to consume my time. You can continue working on your novel, and I’ll go back to work starting tomorrow.”

Eren wrapped his arms around Levi and tugged the smaller male into his lap. Levi let out a noise of surprise and started to thrash in the brunet’s hold, trying to get out of it, but he did not succeed.

“Eren, let me go. I have to go shower and get ready for tomorrow. Don’t you have classes or something? It’s 11 o’clock at night, go the fuck to bed.”

Eren pressed his forehead in between Levi’s shoulder blades and chuckled. “I think I might take you up on that offer of shower sex.”

“That was over six months ago, you fucking perv.”

“Levi, we haven’t had sex in at least eight.”

“Sex isn’t our main priority as of right now! Keep your fucking dick in your pants.”

Eren sighed and Levi finally broke free of his grasp. The pair stood in an awkward silence for a minute before Levi walked away and Eren didn’t move until he heard the muffled sound of water running through the pipes overhead.

And, listen, it’s not like Eren was some crazed sex addict, because he wasn’t. But he liked that type of intimacy with his lover, and Eren be damned if he was going to have to wait another eight fucking months to get into Levi’s pants. Their six year anniversary was coming up in December, and Eren really didn’t want to spend it how they spent last year’s.

\---

Eren sat at his computer desk, rapidly typing his story out onto the document in front of him. His deadline was that day, and he doesn’t understand how he forgot about it. Eren Jaeger doesn’t forget _anything_ . _Ever_.

A knock sounded at his door, and he murmured, “Ar, I’m a little busy. Come back later.”

His door opened and he turned around, ready to throw something at the coconut who just _didn’t take a hint_. But what he was faced with was sexier and more inappropriate than Armin coming in and asking him what he wanted for dinner.

Levi stood in the doorway wearing black shorts, red suspenders, a red bowtie (No fucking shirt, I mean, who does that?), and black stockings with red stripper heels that went to his mid-thigh. Levi had his arms crossed over his chest and a blatantly pissed-off look on his face.

“Happy fucking Anniversary, asshole,” the raven seethed.

 _Except maybe that,_ Eren thought to himself bitterly. How could he have forgotten their anniversary? Did they make plans, or something? Eren’s eyes widened and he reached for his phone, cursing when he saw the three texts from Levi staring back at him, unread.

**Lil’ Dicks: Hey, I’m coming over. Be ready. I’ve got a surprise for you that I thought we could do instead of the movie and dinner.**

**Lil’ Dicks: But, like, don’t cum in your pants the moment you see me. I wanna work you all night. I’ve had a rough day and I know you’ve been stressed out with your book and everything, so I thought we could try some new things.**

**Lil’ Dicks: Be naked when I get there; we’re going to start right away. Blow you later Xx ~Levi**

Eren physically smacked himself on the forehead and looked at the still-ticked Levi standing expectantly in the doorway. “Babe–”

“No,” Levi hissed, “Don’t you fucking ‘babe’ me. We plan things out, and I get if if you didn’t read my texts, but you still should’ve been ready for previously planned things. How fucking gracious of you, Eren. I’m tired of being the only one in this relationship who works hard at planning things and remembering things. I’m so fucking sick of it.”

Eren got up and tried to go to Levi, but the older man just shook his head. “Don’t. I’m going to go get changed, and we are going to watch a movie. Then, I’m going home.”

Eren didn’t argue, and the night went exactly how Levi said it would. Eren was scared that it would be their very last night together, because as soon as the credits rolled, Levi stood up and walked out of the apartment. The brunet, however, was relieved of his worries when he woke up with a text from Levi saying he was sorry but still pissed and expected a make-up from him. Eren ended up taking him to Levi’s favorite restaurant and they spent the night in bed, albeit only cuddling and making out.

\---

When Eren got home from school the next day, he decided he would surprise the raven when he got home. Eren Jaeger would blow Levi’s mind better than ever before. In fact, Levi would be so amazed he’d drop dead on the spot. Well, then again, that wouldn’t be so good, as they can’t continue if he’s dead.

Eren just had to figure out what esoteric things Levi was into nowadays.

_Fuck. How do you ask someone their sexual interests without them knowing that’s what you’re asking?_

He sent Levi out a text, immediately regretting it.

**Me: What esoteric things are you into these days, Levi?**

A response came quickly, and Eren vowed to crawl into a hole and hide from Levi forever.

**Pissy Roomie: What the actual shit are you on?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you want to see a certain type of "thing" that Levi's into, let me know below! Also, any suggestions or found any errors? Let me know below as well. See you next update! Much love! Xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh. Phone sex I guess?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just want to think my beta for helping me this. I'm so awkward at phone smut Jesus take the wheel. Also, the tags will have to be edited, but if you do not want to read this, it's not necessarily essential. If anything mentioned should be tagged that I didn't, let me know and I'll fix it. There's also a POV switch (which unless you want it to wont happen too often). Go check out Brilliante's (my wonderful and fabulous beta) stories. Do it. If you have any suggestions or see any errors, let me know! On to the story!

Eren clenched the phone in his hand, knowing there was no turning back. He typed out a response he hoped wouldn’t get his ass kicked.

**Me: You know. Esoteric? Weird things or whatever.**

Eren’s phone almost immediately buzzed and he knew this wasn’t going to be a short conversation. He sighed and laid back on his bed, reading over Levi’s text and responding, getting lost in the words they exchanged.

**Pissy Roomie: Are you trying to ask me what kinks I have?**

**Me: No. Just what weird things are you into?**

**Pissy Roomie: Sexually?**

**Me: I don’t care.**

**Pissy Roomie: You would think that after almost six years of being together you would know.**

**Me: We haven’t had sex in almost a year, so spill.**

**Pissy Roomie: I like the way we do it. It’s routine. I like routine.**

**Me: Bull-fucking-shit, Levi.**

**Pissy Roomie: I’m serious, Eren!**

Eren scoffed and changed Levi’s contact name.

**Liar: I like the way we do it. You’re always gentle and vanilla, and that’s the way I like it.**

**Me: What gets you off?**

It seems like Levi wasn’t expecting that answer, because Eren’s phone started to vibrate in his hand and Levi’s contact popped up. He clicked accept and was not ready for the sultry voice that reached his ears the second he brought the phone up to his ear.

“Eren, what the fuck are you up to?” Levi sounded breathless and, if you were to ask Eren, a little turned on. Eren decided to have some fun.

“Why, Levi, I am absolutely up to nothing,” he lied. “I just like knowing what my boyfriend is interested in. Is that so bad?”

Levi growled, “It is when you make me picture things like this at work, you asshole.”

Eren laughed and tapped a finger against his cheek. “So, what is it?”

“Eren,  _ no _ .”

“Eren,  _ yes _ .”

“Fuck you,” Levi hissed.

“Well, if that’s what it is, I guess I could comply,” Eren dropped his voice down about two octaves to a lust-laced tone. “Levi, do you like it when I talk to you like this?”

“Jesus fuck, Eren. You’re not helping.”

“I never offered any help to you, Grumpy.”

Eren heard Levi huff through the speaker and finally Levi said something that made him excited, even though he didn’t know what the fuck it meant.

“Autoerotic Asphyxiation.”

Eren blinked. “Autoerection Assfixing?”

“Jesus, no, Eren. What goes on in that brain of yours?”

“Your ass,” Eren replied bluntly. “What is that, anyway?”

“I– I can’t say. I’m at work. Let’s just say if I said it here everyone would look at me strangely, okay?”

Eren shrugged, then realized Levi couldn’t see him. “Okay. So, what else?”

“Really, Eren? One just isn’t enough?”

“I want to know every way to please and pleasure you that I don’t already know,” Eren said in the same lusty voice from before. “And is that too much to ask?” 

Eren heard Levi breathe out a quiet moan. “Eren.” 

It was a small, demanding, and enough of something to send small shocks straight to Eren’s dick. “How about, if you’re not going to tell me anything else, I’ll tell you mine?”

All Eren got in response was another soft moan, so he went on. “Well, if you must know, I like things rough.  _ Very _ rough. I also happen to like it when you mark me. Feeling your teeth against my neck, and feeling you leave your love-bites all over me showing everyone that I belong to you and only you. Oh, and how could I forget?” Eren smirked and bit his bottom lip. “When you rake your nails down my back when I’m slamming into your sweet tight ass, I want to scream.”

Eren was surprised when a wrecked voice came through his speaker. “L-like a pain kink?”

“Exactly.”

Levi breathlessly whined out, “N-need you now,” and Eren raised an eyebrow.

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”

Eren heard Levi frantically shake his head. “N-not yet, but if you keep this shit up, and you better keep it up, I’m going to have to go into the bathroom and unless you don’t want to know what turns me on, you won’t h-hang up this damn phone,” Levi moaned.

Eren chewed on his bottom lip and groaned. “Fuck, Levi. Yeah. Okay.”

Eren heard shuffling, a gasp, and a moan before Levi spoke again. “Do something. Say something.”

“Are you touching yourself?”

“Yes, you dipshit, I’m touching myself. Make me cum, goddamnit.”

“Well. Okay then, if you insist,” Eren said with a hint of cockiness to his voice.

\---

Levi slowly stroked up and down his ever-throbbing shaft, hung up on every word that came from his phone.

“How hard are you right now?” Eren asked in the lusty tone Levi loved with every bone in his body and especially with a certain one that he happens to be stroking.

“F-fuck Eren” Levi moaned out, still going up and down his solid member.

“Imagine it’s me, Levi. Imagine I’m there slowly jerking you off. And don’t try to muffle your beautiful voice. I want to hear every sound you make.”

And so Levi thought of Eren, of him slowly, achingly jerking him off and mimicking the motion with his hand.

“N-nggh E-Er-en.”

“That’s it, my sweet Levi, let out your pretty voice.”

Levi keened and squeezed his shaft, stilling his movements so he didn’t go over the edge too soon. “T-that. Eren.  _ Please _ . God. That’s one.”

“What?” Eren sounded confused, so Levi cleared it up while he still had his voice intact.

“Fucking– Keep talking like that, asshole. Tell me how much you like to hear my voice. Fucking  _ praise _ me, goddammit.” Levi was desperate. He didn’t have much time to get off, and he needed Eren to get the hint.

“Is that one of them?”

“Yes, it is. Shut up and  _ keep talking _ .”

Eren, thank God, got the memo, and proceeded. “Well, considering the effect it’s had on you, I’d say this is my new favourite kink of yours that I’ve found out today.”

“You dipshit, it’s the only one I told you about.”

“Well then maybe you should tell me more, Levi. Maybe you should tell me what will make all of our neighbours hate us because of the beautiful sounds you’ll make when I pleasure you.”

“I told you that you have to find them out, Eren.”

“How am I supposed to find them out when I don’t know what to say?”

“It seems that you know  _ exactly _ what to say.”

Eren huffed in frustration, but continued anyway. “Maybe I should just stop, leave you aching and wanting until you tell me.”

“Eren, you little shit, don’t you dare.”

“Then tell me. Or I’m hanging up in 3… 2… 1–”

“Fine, fine. I love it when you mark me. It makes me feel wanted. And, God, when I see the marks I leave on you, I fucking _ –  _ Talk. Fuck.”

“Marking each other? That’s not that new.”

“Mother of all Christ Eren, shut up and say something that doesn’t make me want to kick you in the balls.”

“Way to kill the mood, Levi.“

“Me? Kill the mood? The only thing I’ll be killing is you if you don’t keep talking.”

“But, Levi,” Eren returned to his sensual tone. It pricked at Levi’s skin and made him arch his back. “If you kill me, who’s gonna tell you how pretty you look while my cock is in your mouth? You like that, don’t you? Like it when you’re on your knees, deepthroating me? I know I do. God, you look so fucking gorgeous when you try to take me in as much as you can. The way your eyes water when I hit the back of your throat. I’d reduce you to nothing but a moaning mess, Levi. I’ll fucking wreck you.”

“Fuck, you like it when I suck your dick?”

“Didn’t I just say that?”

“What else? Tell me more. Just _ – _ ’

“Isn’t it me who’s supposed to be asking the questions?” Levi didn’t respond, instead growling a threat to Eren, who gave in. “Well, Levi, if you must know what turns me on, then it’s simply everything about you, along with what I’ve mentioned today. Not to mention hearing you panting and aching for me when I have you pinned face-down in the mattress, fucking you into oblivion.”

“F-f-fuck, Eren. Nghh.”

“I go faster when I hear your pretty little noises, Levi. You always sound so broken when I hit your sweet spot, yeah? Does it make you see stars? I see stars when you cum and I feel your walls squeeze around me. It’s what makes me go over the edge; seeing you with your eyes rolling to the back of your head before they clench shut, your bottom lip caught between your teeth, the flush that creeps up your chest and to your neck and cheeks. I love how loud you get, Levi. Like now; you’re so lovely to listen to. Let me hear more, Levi; scream my name until your throat is raw and used.”

Levi’s strokes became quicker and shorter, frantic with need. He ran his thumb over his slit on every other stroke, feeling himself edge closer and closer to his sweet release. Levi was whining and gasping, obscene noises leaving his mouth as he arched his back and moaned, “I love it, Eren, God, I  _ need _ it. So good, Eren, so good. Fuck.”

“That’s it, Levi. Cum for me.”

That’s all it took for Levi to release all over his hand and lower abdomen. “Eren!” He shouted, mouth falling open before he took his lip in between his teeth, knowing eren wanted it that way, his eyes rolling back and then closed. His vision blurred and pleasure wracked through his body as he stood there shaking. Levi took in a shallow breath before quickly saying, “Eren, I’m coming home. Now.”

Levi pressed the big red ‘ _ end call _ ’ button and sought to cleaning up the mess he had made. He made sure there was no trace of what he had just done and walked out back into his office. He gathered his things, still trembling from his activities, and briskly walked out his office door to the front exit. As he was leaving, he was sure to say goodbye to the ladies working the front desk. Levi was determined to get into his car to drive back to his home, back to his Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah. Sorry if it was short, but I hope you liked it. If you have any suggestions or saw any errors, let me know below or on my Tumblr @pastelereri. Thanks again to Brilliante, who practically wrote this chapter. I was busy betaing something else for someone, and at one point left to go eat and make a cup of tea, which is the point where I came back to see the chapter finished. So I added some more dirty talk from Eren and voila. Take it. I hope you enjoyed! Much love Xx

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Much love Xx


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